So I (somewhat) recently had my one year anniversary of leaving the United States and moving to Germany…wild! This year has gone by so incredibly fast, but the amount that has happened inside and out is comparably dramatic.
When I first came here, I was just a kid with a dream…*stares wistfully off my balcony as a I write this post like the freelancing adult that I’ve become*
a dramatic theatre kid
But in all seriousness, when I first arrived, I had no idea what I was doing and now I’m like…a functioning adult? I don’t know how that happened.
But I had to do everything from scratch. And I mean everything! Not only was I on my own without my parents but without any support at all – none of my friends could even be reached by phone most of the time because of the time difference between the U.S. and Germany – well that, and the fact that it took me several weeks to figure out how to get a new SIM card…Not only was I in a new country, surrounded by new people, and immersed in a new language (kind of, I had studied German for some time prior), but Germany is infamous for its absurd amount of bureaucratic nonsensical hoops to jump through as an immigrant – because that’s what I had become: an immigrant.
I realize how dramatic that sounds coming from a basic white girl who could afford to move to Europe (more on that another time), but it offered a very different perspective on my life and the life of others. Now I’m not going to pretend that I’ve been “oppressed” or anything being a white American in Europe, but it also hasn’t been easy to pick up and leave everything that was familiar. Ever studied a foreign language too hard and you just wish you could switch back to your mother tongue for two seconds? Yeah, that becomes harder when every store, every restaurant, every sign, every book or magazine, and even the ads on your phone/computer are in a different language.
Now in this regard, I know I’m lucky – pretty much all of my friends and colleagues have at least B2 proficiency in English. But it was pointed out to me by a friend from Spain that for some it’s much worse. In my first flat, we were all expats with varying levels of German, but we all spoke – you guessed it – English.
So I got to use my mother tongue at home. The others, being from France, Italy, and Spain, did not. And that takes a toll on you.
A lot of my friends, roommates, and colleagues operate in two to three languages every day. That’s exhausting! Not to mention, the rolodex of vocabulary can get all sorts of jumbled and without even realizing it, you ask your coworker if “haben wir am Donnerstag cerrar?”
Sometimes I still forget I live abroad. But every time I step into a grocery store that doesn’t sell tortillas or go to the movie theater and they give you kettle corn instead of butter, or notice that literally everything is closed because it’s Sunday, I remember. And it’s those little things, I think, that kind of grate on you the most. Things you never thought twice about in your home country now feel like the most unbearable of travesties.
But for the most part? It has been the most amazing experience of my life.
I just think it’s important to acknowledge that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Because if you go into a venture like this thinking that it will be, boy-howdy will you be surprised. And although some days (or weeks) are harder than others, I have learned so much about myself and the world we all live in. And there are many days where I look out the train window and go, man, I really did it, didn’t I? People always say you should romanticize the small moments in your life and that is 100% true. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been living in Europe and sometimes that’s because I go out to a party with friends and sometimes it’s just because I successfully ordered a delightful coffee and sandwich in a café and spent the morning planning a holiday. One of my favorite things to do is sit out on my balcony and drink my morning cup of coffee or tea and just look out up and down the street. I think it’s important to take time to appreciate all the positive things in your life. Because if you don’t, then what’s it all for?
And even if it’s not permanent. There was one day I was sitting on that balcony and I looked out and thought, this is nice…but this isn’t where it ends. This is just a pit stop – I don’t know where the next stop will be, but I know there will be another one. I don’t know when I’ll go, but I know that I will. I don’t know what’ll happen, but I know it’ll be good.
***I understand that I come from a certain level of privilege in being able to pick up my life and change it into whatever I want it to be – but I don’t understand people who actively choose to be miserable. Like people who stay with the wrong partner, or people who never even tried to go after their dreams, or people who wake up every day with the weight of the world on their shoulders.
The world is a huge place, and there are billions of people you haven’t met yet – so if you can, even if it sounds absolutely anxiety-inducing, go see it.
(It might be more feasible than you think…)
If you’re interested in a closer look at my day-to-day, check out my Instagram Takeover I did for my TEFL school here!